When Comes Soft Rains
by SwordsMaster231
Summary: Alex Ramirez is just a regular girl trying to live a regular life. All of that gets turned upside down when she is forced to stay with her best friend of 15 years, Justin Russo. Trying to suppress the growing feelings she has for him and forgetting about the ones she harbors for someone else makes life more difficult for her than she thinks it should be. Jalex! Not Related!
1. Just Like Tonight

Alex Ramirez. Of those who had heard her name, none of them had a single positive thing to say about her. According to everyone- even her own parents- she was a complete and utter failure. Well, except one person… She sighed. She wasn't sure which was worse: staying out here on the street, in the rain and cold, alone, or crawling back to him… AGAIN. She frowned. It was embarrassing to say the least. She and Justin had been friends for years. Best friends, in fact. She had no doubt that he would have sympathy on her and take her in. That's what bothered her, he was too… perfect. She sighed again. He didn't deserve to have her constantly trailing after him like a lost puppy. He had a job. He had a future. He had a life! She told herself it was the rain running down her cheeks instead of her own warm, salty tears. That's right. Rain. No one who could see her would be able to tell the difference anyway…

The wind suddenly picked up, causing her to shiver violently and the rain to pelt her face with a vicious sting. It almost felt as though the raindrops were tiny shards of ice, pricking all over her skin. Her teeth began to chatter and she wrapped her arms around herself in a vain attempt to stay warm. It didn't work. She needed to get inside. There was only one place she could go. She sighed for the third and final time. Anything was better than staying out here… She smiled ruefully as she started walking towards her destination, wondering if she actually believed that.

* * *

 _ **knock, knock, knock**_

Three times. Loudly. No answer. She tried again.

 _ **KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK**_

This was starting to hurt her hand. Just as she was starting to consider turning around and never coming back again, she heard the door open and a sliver of light filtered through the crack.

"Who's there?" A voice asked tiredly, the door blocked from being opened due to the chain lock.

She smiled nervously and brushed her waterlogged hair out of her face.

"It's me, dork. I'm back…again."

She said it so quietly that she wasn't sure he could hear her over the sound of the pouring rain. There was a moment of silence and the door closed abruptly. In the split second before she heard him fiddling with the lock, her heart had dropped to her feet. It leapt back up into her throat and she smiled tearfully as he opened the door. It was almost like a dream, seeing him framed in the doorway by the light of an unseen lamp. The tears were flowing unabated now. She didn't care.

"Alex?!"

His voice broke through the fog that was her conscience and she launched herself forward, wrapping her arms tightly around him in a desperate hug. Neither of them said anything. She cried into his chest for what seemed like hours but in reality was only a few minutes. They were both properly soaked now. Alex didn't seem to notice. Justin, however, did.

"Let's get cleaned up."

She nodded, her tears finally coming to a stop… for the moment at least.

"First things first: we need to get you out of those clothes."

She smiled and chuckled despite her situation. Justin's face grew red as his words caught up with him.

"You know what I meant."

And just like that, she was smiling again. He always managed to cheer her up, no matter what. She wondered how he did it. She shook her head. Who cares how he did it? She was just happy to be- well, happy, again. She followed him to his bedroom and stood in the doorway, smirking at him as he dug through his drawers.

"Don't say it."

She rolled her eyes. She was about to make a snide comment about 'First my clothes and now you're taking me to bed? You DO move fast' but of course he had anticipated that response. She decided to spare him… for now. She would get back at him later. She always did. It was a sort of habit they had developed. Alex usually came out on top in those situations. However, this was different. She was nowhere near the top. In fact, she was pretty sure she had hit rock bottom. That's why she had come here in the first place. And he KNEW that. So it was with no small amount of restraint that she kept her mouth shut. She received a pair of Jason's ex Juliet's clothes (which she wasn't happy about at all) and he ushered her towards the shower.

"When you're done I'll have some soup waiting."

Before she even had a chance to complain, he was gone. She shook her head with a small smile as she heard him banging around in the kitchen. He never was very coordinated. She stripped out of her soaked clothing and stepped into the shower, instantly turning on the hot water. She sighed in contentment. This was soooooooooooo refreshing! Twenty five minutes later, she had finished with her shower, dried herself off, and tried on her- hopefully- temporary clothes. They were a little loose on her. After all, Juliet had been about as tall as Justin whereas she was a couple inches shorter, much to her chagrin. Nevertheless, they fit well enough. Another fifteen minutes passed as she fixed up her hair a little and redid her makeup. She briefly wondered why Justin still had lipstick and rouge in his bathroom cabinet. The thought of him entertaining another lady friend while she was here was pushed out of her mind rather vehemently. She was a bit…possessive when it came to Justin. Not that she would ever admit it. Often times when people saw them together, they thought she and him were a couple. She would always scoff and tell them he was like a brother to her. She had almost started believing her own lie. Almost. Until a month ago, that is.

( _Flashback)_

" _Mom, Dad, I want you to meet my boyfriend!"_

 _Julianna let out a cry of joy and instantly hugged her daughter. Edward was a little more reserved. He simply smiled and nodded._

" _Honey, I'm so happy for you!" Her mother squealed._

 _Alex laughed right along with her before she realized something._

" _Oh! I forgot to introduce you guys! This is Mason."_

 _The somewhat shaggy haired boy smiled and waved nervously. The mother squealed once more and wrapped him in a bear hug, obviously one that he was not expecting. After his wife was done almost choking the life out of Mason, Edward walked up with a serious face and shook his hand firmly._

" _Now you had better be good to my daughter."_

 _Mason swallowed and chuckled nervously, nodding. Alex rolled her eyes._

" _Don't mind him," she said to Mason, referring to her father, "he always tries to act mean but he's a big softie at heart."_

 _Her father crossed his arms as if to disprove her point but he quickly lost his composure and laughed when she stuck her tongue out at him._

" _See?" She looked at Mason reassuringly. "Nothing to worry about!"_

 _He didn't seem convinced. The next few hours spent there, however, quickly changed his tune. Despite his initial nervousness to meet them, they were a very good group of people and a wonderful family. He found himself smiling at almost everything they said. Suddenly, the front door opened and a ring echoed around the shop. Everyone turned to see who had entered and this time Alex squealed with joy… Yes, squealed. She knew her mother wouldn't let her live that down for a LONG time. At that moment, though, she didn't care. Her best friend was here!_

" _Justin!"_

 _She took a flying leap into his arms and his eyes widened. He caught her as carefully as he could and spun her around, both of them laughing loudly. They paused for a second as he set her down and they looked each other in the eyes. Mason frowned. He swore he saw something pass between them, whether they knew it or not. And he didn't like it._

" _Justin, there's someone I want you to meet!"_

 _She dragged him hurriedly across the shop, one of his hands in hers. Mason plastered a fake smile on his face as he met this so-called 'best friend'._

" _Justin, this is my boyfriend Mason. Mason, this is my best friend Justin!"_

 _They locked eyes and a silent challenge seemed to pass between them. After a tense moment of silence, however, they both smiled and shook hands as if nothing had happened. Alex was none the wiser._

 _Several weeks passed and everything seemed to be going swimmingly. Justin and Mason were getting along, just as Alex had hoped. What she didn't know, however, was that they constantly fought whenever she wasn't around. Justin would argue that Mason wasn't right for Alex. Mason countered that would Justin pick himself instead? And so on. Eventually, Mason had had enough. One night, while they were out at her favorite restaurant, he decided to test Alex to see if she was really loyal to him._

" _So Alex…what do you think about Justin?" He asked as casually as he could._

 _She seemed surprised. He never talked about Justin! Mistaking his question for one of good intentions, she answered enthusiastically._

" _He's great!"_

 _Mason instantly scowled as she continued._

" _We've known each other since kindergarten. Of course, he's always been a nerd, so I would poke fun at him. Other bullies did that too, though, so I sort of stopped for a while. After we got to high school, the teasing started up again- this time it was worse than before. Justin would tell anyone who would listen about his dream of being a doctor. Of course, this only added fuel to the fire. Eventually, I couldn't stand it anymore and just told them to go away…in much less nicer words. They did. I guess Justin didn't really expect me to stand up for him but…" She shrugged._

 _Mason was listening with growing rage, nearly bending his fork as he strained to keep his face neutral. He nodded to let her know he was still listening; intently, at that. She started speaking again without hesitation._

" _From that day forward I guess we've understood each other better. He would help me out with my homework and I would help him out with the bullies. We insulted each other a lot but it was always in fun. We both knew that. In our senior year of high school, the teasing stopped. Nobody cared anymore. Well, that and there was a rumor going around that we were dating."_

 _She let out a disbelieving chuckle but Mason wasn't laughing._

" _What happened next?"_

 _She didn't notice the ominous tone in his voice._

" _We let sleeping dogs lie. Nobody asked to confirm so we never had to. Of course, we were-and still are- completely platonic. We kept that VERY clear to each other. Once we got to college, though, we had to drop the act. We still acted like best buds but that was it. If I had to sum up Justin in just a few words, I would say that he's the best friend a girl could have."_

 _She ended with a smile that was almost dreamy. Mason suppressed the almost animal-like growl that was rising in his throat. He stood up suddenly, causing Alex to blink in surprise._

" _Mason, what's wro-"_

" _You know what the worst part is, Alex?" He interrupted harshly._

 _The look in her eyes became fearful for a moment and he smirked in satisfaction._

" _I almost thought I was in love with you."_

 _He left without another word. His conscience was berating him all the way to the door and when he reached it, he had to look back. She looked absolutely CRUSHED. What had he done? He shook his head at himself and let the door swing shut behind him. He flipped up his collar as the slight drizzle turned into a downpour._

 _(End Flashback)_

"Just like tonight."

She hadn't realized she had said it out loud until she blinked at her reflection in surprise. It was quickly replaced by a sour look.

"Of course, how could I forget?"

She wiped away the stray tears that had started to leak from her eyes as she made her way downstairs. She had just re-done her make-up, she didn't want to do it again. She walked into the familiar kitchen with the best smile she could muster. It must not have been very convincing because Justin immediately looked concerned.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, sliding a piping hot bowl of chicken and dumpling soup across the table.

Her smile became slightly more genuine as she slid into the chair. He had remembered her favorite soup. She paused, remembering she still hadn't answered his question.

"Maybe later." She said eventually, blowing a puff of air against her soup to cool it down.

Justin simply nodded and poured a bowl for himself. They sat across from each other. Both silent. Both eating. A comfortable silence. It was nice, Alex realized with another, small hidden smile. Justin caught it and didn't do anything but form a smile of his own. She would come around. She always did. Just like tonight.


	2. Awake and Afraid

She tossed and turned in her sleep, obviously disturbed by nightmares. If anyone had been watching, they would be able to hear her mumbling seemingly random words. Faint gasps of 'Mason' and 'no, don't leave' escaped her lips as her thrashing became more violent. She awoke with a start, sitting bolt upright with another gasp. She was sweating profusely and breathing raggedly. She reached up to wipe her face with shaky hands. Suddenly, she covered her mouth and made a mad dash for the bathroom. She barely made it to the toilet before emptying the contents of her stomach. Tears mixed with the sickly green substance as Alex huddled over the porcelain bowl pathetically. Her sobs were repeatedly interrupted by multiple dry heaves, causing her even more pain and discomfort. Eventually, she collapsed to the ground and curled herself into a ball. She no longer felt sick but the tears wouldn't stop coming. She rocked herself back and forth as she sobbed quietly. She knew no one was coming to comfort her.

The minutes turned into hours as Alex lay on the cold, hard floor, unmoving. The crying had stopped long ago and her eyes were a bright, bloodshot red. She felt empty. She felt alone. She felt helpless. It was devastating. She didn't know what to do. She took in a shaky breath and reached out for the toilet, using it as a crutch to help her stand. She let out a yelp of surprise as she fell back onto the floor. Her legs had fallen asleep! She grunted in frustration, trying to work the circulation back into them. After another few minutes, she could properly stand and walk again. She wondered for a moment why she had bothered getting up in the first place. She walked back into her room and looked at the clock.

 _ **3:12 AM**_

She frowned. She felt wide awake and doubted she would be able to get back to sleep anytime soon considering what had just happened. She looked at the door and took a hesitant step towards it. And another. And another. She froze with her hand on the doorknob and shook her head. What was she doing?! She couldn't just wake up Justin at this hour! He had work tomorrow! Well, later today actually… She bit her lip in indecision and slowly turned the knob, stepping quietly into the hall. She closed the door behind her and suddenly everything seemed darker. The door across from her seemed to grow three times its size and loom over her. She swallowed. She cringed as she walked across the squeaky floorboards and reached for his door. It almost seemed like it was moving away from her with each step she took and it felt as though she was walking down an endless hallway. Then her hand connected with the doorknob and everything went back to normal.

The moonlight filtered in through the windows, giving her more than enough light to see by. The door was no longer ominous but just a regular, wooden door. She looked back. She had only taken a few steps. Her own room was right there. She sighed and shook her head with a small, disbelieving smile. What reason did she have to act like a scared little child?

 _Maybe because that's how everyone sees you._

She ignored that thought, pushing it away angrily and opening Justin's door abruptly. She barely stopped it from hitting the wall, once again freezing in her tracks, afraid she had woken him. Not that it would have mattered because she would be doing that anyway…but she sighed in relief when she heard him continue to snore, blissfully unaware. She smiled slightly at how dorky he was, even in his sleep, and gently closed the door behind her. She walked over to his bed and just stared down at him for a minute. He looked so peaceful. Should she really be doing this? She blushed when she suddenly realized how creepy this looked and quickly reached out to shake him awake.

"Hey, Justin." She said quietly.

He mumbled in his sleep and rolled away from her. She giggled lightly and tried again, pushing him with both hands.

"Five more minutes, Mom…" He complained, pulling the blankets over his head.

Alex laughed more loudly and shook him violently.

"Hey dork, wake up!"

He sat upright with a surprised yelp, nearly hitting his forehead against hers. Fortunately, she had the reflexes necessary to avoid that.

"Alex?" He asked tiredly and clearly confused. "What are you doing up at-"

He glanced at the clock and groaned, sinking back into his bed and covering his face with a pillow.

"Really, Alex?! Three in the morning?!"

She shrugged unapologetically.

"I needed to talk to you."

He sighed and removed the pillow from his face, sitting up once again and giving her a curious look.

"Well, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?"

She suddenly felt very self-conscious, shuffling her feet nervously and avoiding eye contact. What was wrong with her?!

"Well?" Justin said, crossing his arms.

She blinked and sighed, taking a deep breath.

"I'm ready to talk about why I'm here."

Justin's demeanor softened in understanding as she sat on the edge of the bed, listening intently as she began her explanation.

"A little over a month ago, I introduced you to my then boyfriend, Mason." She started.

Justin nodded as a way of telling her he remembered.

"Everything went well for a few weeks after that first meeting. But I slowly started to realize something. I might be stupid, Justin, but I'm not _**that**_ stupid. I could tell you and Mason hated each other. What I didn't understand was _**why**_."

Justin had the decency to look apologetic and rub the back of his head sheepishly. Alex just shook her head and chuckled. She couldn't be mad at him for very long.

"So, I was determined to find out. I knew you wouldn't tell me so my only option was to ask Mason. He was…less than pleased. It was made even worse that I kept asking, over and over. 'Why are you so obsessed about this?' he would say. 'Because I know what I see! I'm not blind! Why can't you two just get along?' I would always retort. And we just went around and around, like a broken record. It was bad. Anyway, one day it was the last straw. I was going to get to the bottom of this no matter what. So I planned to ask him after our dinner at my favorite restaurant…imagine my surprise when he asked about you first."

She paused and shook her head at herself, chuckling ruefully.

"I should have known something was up…but I was so happy that he was finally _**talking**_ about it that I completely forgot what I had come there to do. He asked a few questions about you, how we knew each other, why we were friends, etc. etc. But apparently he didn't like my response. Right after I told him about our dating arrangement in high school- you know, where everyone assumed we were a couple?- he got really angry and he almost seemed jealous. I was about to tell him he had nothing to worry about, that we were just friends but-"

She stopped suddenly, the lump forming in her throat rendering her unable to speak. The tears started flowing again and she instinctively leaned into Justin. He opened his arms without question and simply held her as she cried. Unlike last time, however, she continued to speak.

"He wasn't having any of it. He said 'The worst part is I almost thought I was in love with you' and then he left! Justin, that hurt more than anything I could ever imagine." She sobbed.

Justin rocked back and forth, whispering sweet nothings such as 'it's okay' and 'shh' into her ear until she calmed down. He didn't know if it was working but after a few minutes she seemed calm again, or at the very least she had stopped crying. He never knew Alex as one that would cry or express her emotions like this. She always played the tough girl, the brick wall, someone that never broke down. Everything he was seeing right now was evidence to the contrary. He had never realized how fragile she really was. Maybe it was because of Mason and the heartbreak, maybe she had always been this way. He didn't know. All he did know was that he was going to be there for her, no matter what.

"Can I stay with you tonight?"

Her request shocked him out of his own head and he stared down at her, surprised at the sheer despair in her voice.

"I don't think I can handle being in that room alone. Please…"

He hesitated for only a moment before nodding and muttering his agreement. She sighed and her whole body instantly relaxed. He smiled as all the tension seemed to simply just disappear from her muscles. He hardly noticed as she snuggled closer to him, wrapping her arms around his midsection and burying her head against his chest. He smiled again and pulled the blankets over both of them, wrapping one of his own arms around her waist. She sighed in contentment- although she would later claim it was because she was really tired- and let out a humongous yawn.

"Goodnight Justin." She barely got out the words before she drifted blissfully off into dreamland.

Justin looked down at her for a moment, wondering why Mason would walk out on someone as beautiful, caring, smart, funny… he shook his head, clearing it of those thoughts. No! He didn't think of Alex as a romantic possibility! They were just friends! Best friends. That was his excuse and he was sticking to it. However, he realized as he leaned down to place a gentle kiss on the top of her head, that it felt strangely…right…to hold her like this. He ignored that thought as well, letting out a yawn of his own. He stretched his arm as far as it could go and managed to turn off the light. Alex let out an almost needy whine as her source of warmth moved and she shimmied closer. Justin chuckled tiredly and squeezed lightly, letting her know he wasn't going anywhere. It seemed to work because Alex sighed (again) and fell still and silent. Justin, too, slowly slipped into dreamland. The last thought he had before drifting into unconsciousness was:

 _How is Alex going to react to **this** in the morning?_


	3. The Kiss That Never Happened

She woke up that morning to the pleasant sun shining in her eyes, feeling warm and safe. She relished it for all of two seconds before she realized something. She was holding onto something- or rather someone- and that someone was snoring. LOUDLY. There was only one person she knew who snored like that. She also knew that since she was hearing it right next to her ear that she must be cuddling the stuffing out of that person. She then realized it was Justin and directly after that she realized she was sleeping in the _**same bed**_ as Justin. The only thing that kept her from screaming in utter embarrassment was the fact that she was fully clothed. Justin, however, was lacking a very important article of clothing. She blushed heavily as she pushed away from his bare chest, ignoring the guilt she felt when he let out a soft mumble of complaint. She carefully pried herself away from his grasp, desperately praying he wouldn't wake up, and crawled off of the bed. It took all of her self control to not run right out the door.

 _We haven't done_ _anything wrong._ She thought to herself. _There's no reason to be embarrassed._

Oh but there was, according to her anyway. She _**distinctly**_ remembered what had happened last night. She cringed and immediately wished she could forget. She had been so weak that she almost gagged at the thought. At the memory of gagging, however, she groaned and held her hands over her stomach. Great. She remembered _**that**_ too. Was there anything else?! She thought for a moment and sighed. Nothing noteworthy, thank goodness. She was okay with the fact that she had opened up to Justin. That was nothing new. What she was _**not**_ okay with was how vulnerable she felt. She could take care of herself! She didn't need his help! She didn't need ANYONE'S help! Little did she know how much she did. She pushed those thoughts away, knowing that dwelling on them would only make them worse. She walked back across the hall and into her room, changing into a pair of more comfortable clothes.

 _These are probably the smallest clothes Juliet owned._ She thought, grimacing at herself in the mirror.

First of all, they were tight on her, so she could only imagine how the blond had walked around in these skinny jeans. The shirt she wore was less tight but still slightly constricted her chest. She had to admit that it did accentuate her curves. Plus, red was her favorite color. She giggled and spun slightly, watching the ends of the shirt fan out from her body like a dress might. It was sleeveless, too, displaying her flawless, creamy shoulders. Unfortunately she had to go barefoot because her feet were at least a size smaller than Juliet's. She was not deterred by this, however, and decided to doll herself up a bit… What? She was still a girl! She wanted to look nice. She didn't necessarily know _**why** _ but that didn't really matter. She fixed her atrocious make-up, which had been smeared by her tears (again). Her hair needed minimal fixing and she added a slight curl to it. She smiled. She was feeling better already! She knew that drying her nails would take the longest time, so she found a comfortable place to sit (the edge of her bed) and got to work.

An hour later, her toenails were painted a pretty red to match the shirt and her fingernails were painted a dark purple. Also one of her favorite colors. She giggled again. She was doing that a lot today. Nevertheless, she was satisfied with her look and walked out of her room. As she closed the door behind her, she was slightly surprised to see that Justin's door was open. Her mood instantly dropped again. Great. He was probably going to make fun of her for what happened last night. She sighed. Better to get this over with than to drag it out. She took a quick peek in his room to see if he was still there, chuckling and shaking her head at how pristine the bed looked.

"A dork AND a clean freak." She said to herself with a smile.

She turned quickly and went downstairs, hearing glasses clink against each other in the kitchen. She glanced at the clock.

 _7:55 AM_

She knew his job started at 8:30. He would probably be leaving pretty quickly after breakfast. She snorted.

 _Good._ She thought. _Less trouble for me._

She turned around and walked into the living room, turning on the television and flipping through the channels. After several minutes of finding nothing interesting to watch, she sighed and turned it off.

"Alex!" He yelled from the kitchen.

She didn't respond.

"Are you awake? I thought I heard the television!"

She stayed silent, a small smirk on her face. Silence greeted her for a moment as well before she heard footsteps and the kitchen door opening. She quickly lay down on the couch.

"Alex?" He started looking around.

She tried desperately to stifle her laugh. She didn't stay hidden for long, though, because Justin immediately saw her when he came around the couch. He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at her but it was clear he was amused.

"Alex, what are you doing in here?"

"Hiding from you!" She said playfully, sticking her tongue out at him.

He chuckled.

"What are you, eight?"

She shook her head and narrowed her eyes at him.

"Nope. I'm 21."

"Well you sure aren't acting like it."

"You're one to talk Mr. Still-Plays-With-Dolls!"

"They're action figures!"

Alex burst out laughing and fell back on the couch. He was absolutely still the dork she knew and loved. Oh yeah. Right. She almost immediately stopped laughing, but not for the reason Justin assumed.

"Whatever. So what are you doing sitting in here?"

She shrugged.

"I planned to watch some TV but there's nothing good on."

"Is there ever?"

She smiled. He had a point.

"I suppose not."

There was a slightly awkward silence between them for a moment. Neither wanted to speak about what had happened last night.

"So…I have to go to work."

Justin said suddenly, jerking his thumb towards the exit. Alex frowned slightly and nodded.

"Breakfast is in the oven. Maybe we can talk later when I get back. I'll see you later."

Alex nodded again, hardly paying attention. She was snapped back to reality, however, as Justin started leaning towards her. Her heartbeat quickened and her eyes widened. What was he doing? It looked like he was moving in for a kiss…Now Alex had a few options. She could sit there and do nothing, letting him do whatever it was he was doing. She could tilt her head just _**that** _ much and meet him half way. Or she could scream and slap him. The last two didn't seem so appealing, so she elected to sit still. She was glad she did because all Justin had planned to do was kiss her on the top of her head, like he had done earlier to comfort her. She failed to stifle the sigh that escaped her and she was surprised to feel disappointment. Why was she disappointed? Had she _**wanted**_ him to kiss her? Of course not! That would just be weird! That's what she told herself, anyway.

"Be good while I'm gone." He said teasingly, ruffling her hair with his hand.

"Hey, be careful! I spent an HOUR curling that!"

He shrugged helplessly and walked away, grabbing his keys and leaving the house. Alex didn't move until she heard the engine start and saw his car take off down the road. She leaned back against the couch and put her hand on her chest. Her heart was still beating a mile a minute. She moved her hand to her head. Her temperature felt normal, so what was wrong with her? She didn't feel sick.

 _That's because you've never been lovesick before._

The truth of the thought caught her off guard. Lovesick? Did that mean that what she felt for Justin was more than just friendship? No. No, that couldn't be true. It just couldn't. It was _**impossible**_.

 _Is it really?_

She ground her teeth and covered her ears in a vain attempt to stop herself from hearing her own thoughts.

 _You know what you want, Alex. Why don't you take it? It won't be hard. After all, he WANTS you._

She shook her head violently.

"No, no, no. That isn't true!"

 _You love him, Alex. And he loves you._

"We're basically family! It's wrong!"

 _Doesn't he make you happy? Happier than you've ever been?_

She couldn't bring herself to answer.

 _Exactly. He would do ANYTHING for you. You know he would._

"Shut up!"

 _Come now, Alex…_

Her eyes popped open. It was a different voice in her head this time. One she could never refuse.

 _Don't be like that! I love you!_

The tears started up again and she rocked back and forth, shaking her head.

"No, no, no, no, no, no…" Over and over again she pleaded.

 _Don't you want me, Alex? Don't you know how much I CARE about you?_

"Stop it! You're ruining my life!"

 _Things would be so much better if we were together. Think about it! You wouldn't have to be sad anymore._

She stopped rocking. She stopped crying. She sat up straight and took her hands away from her ears. She stared coldly at the space in front of her, as if she could clearly see her antagonists.

"Justin and I will always be best friends. There is _**nothing**_ you can do to change that. I may be afraid to tell him. I may be afraid to tell myself. I know I am afraid that our relationship would no longer be the same. But I will NOT lose him as my best friend!"

Silence. It almost seemed oppressive to her. Too quiet. She needed someone to talk to. Preferably Justin. She scowled and shook her head. She didn't need him! She could handle this herself! She COULD! She stood up and angrily stomped to the kitchen. She ripped open the oven. The split second before she flung the beautifully made dish across the room, she paused. The aroma was absolutely amazing. It looked exquisite! Her mouth began to water as she continued to stare at it, her anger forgotten, replaced by hunger.

 _Well…maybe it isn't so bad to have his help sometimes._

She was willing to admit that much to herself. So it was with an earsplitting grin that she served herself a giant slice of the breakfast casserole Justin had prepared. She took one bite and moaned in contentment. It was delicious! She proceeded to eat three whole plates after that, eventually settling into her seat and falling into a food coma. Later when she awoke, she would recall that she had certain thoughts before taking her nap. What might have happened if she had been brave enough to tilt her head up just _**that**_ much? She smiled in her sleep, unaware of the joy that was brought to her by the kiss that never happened.


	4. The Longest Day

Justin wasn't paying attention to what his hands were doing. He was on auto-pilot. Right now, his mind was somewhere else. Or more specifically, he was thinking about a certain someone. Alex. He replayed that morning over and over again in his head, wondering if he should have done something differently. There was a moment, he grudgingly admitted to himself, that he had wanted to kiss Alex. It was absurd but it was true. He didn't know what it was about her that seemed to mesmerize him. Maybe it was the way she had dressed. She definitely looked more put together than usual. She also looked extremely attractive in those clothes. He frowned when he realized that she had been wearing Juliet's old clothes. They looked better on Alex than they ever did on- He shook his head with a sigh. What was the matter with him?! He knew better! He and Alex were _**just**_ friends. Why did he have to keep reminding himself?

 _Because you want to be more than that._

He brushed the thought away with a grunt, trying to focus on his work. He was a doctor, he couldn't afford to file his documents incorrectly. The patients depended on him!

 _You're so uptight. Loosen up, dork!_

He desperately tried to ignore the achingly familiar voice in his head.

 _Come on, Justin. I know you would much rather be at home, spending time with me._

The voice wasn't wrong but he was unwilling to admit that to himself. He had a job to do and he was going to do it.

 _You work too much. You deserve a break!_

He smirked. He had just gotten there! He was nowhere near deserving of a break yet. If the voice had a countenance, it would appear decidedly frustrated. It tried a different tactic.

 _Why'd you leave me alone, Justin?_

He tensed up at the tearful, needy tone.

 _I thought you would always be there for me… But I was wrong! You left me! Just like Mason!_

"Hey Justin, are you alright?"

The borderline tortuous thoughts melted away to reveal the real world, many staff members and patients milling around the busy working area. Justin looked down at his hands. They were clenched so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. He turned to the voice and smiled.

"Hey, Matt. Yeah…I'm just fine."

"You don't look fine."

His eyes glanced to Justin's hands and back. Justin sighed and un-clenched his hands, sorting through the paperwork and straightening out the papers he had unintentionally wrinkled. He was silent for several moments before he offered an explanation.

"It's Alex."

Matt raised an eyebrow.

"You mean that girl you dated in high school?"

Justin chuckled. It was incredible how long a rumor could last.

"Yeah, her."

"I didn't know she was still around."

"She…recently moved back to town."

Matt's eyes narrowed.

"How do you know about this?"

Justin paused and cleared his throat, staring nervously down at his hands. Suddenly, Matt's eyes widened in realization.

"She's staying with you?!"

Justin made a vehement "shooshing motion" and looked around quickly. It didn't look like anybody had heard Matt's outburst.

"Could you say that a little louder, Matt?! I don't think everyone in China could hear you!"

He shrugged, clearly not sorry for what he had done, his eyes full of excitement.

"No way, dude! You've got to tell me everything!"

Justin raised an eyebrow and looked back to his work.

"There's nothing to tell."

Matt rolled his eyes in disbelief.

"Aw come on! Please?"

Justin closed the drawer harshly, ripping the other one open and fixing Matt with a glare.

"Look, it's complicated alright? I'll tell you later."

Matt didn't seem the least bit convinced or content, but nodded with a grunt and went on his merry way. The instant he was gone, Justin sighed and banged his head against the cabinet gently. Great. Now that Matt knew Alex was staying with him, the entire office would know…sooner or later. He shouldn't have said anything.

 _Nothing can be done about it now._

He sighed again. That was true. He would just have to live with his mistakes. To avoid any further embarrassment, he grabbed the rest of his paperwork and trudged to his office. Today was going to be a _**long** _ day.

* * *

Justin stumbled into his home and shut the door tiredly behind himself, covering his face with his hands and slowly sinking to the floor with a groan.

"Sounds like somebody had a nice day." A snide remark came from the living room.

He groaned louder. He heard footsteps approaching for a moment before they stopped. He uncovered his face and opened his eyes. Alex was standing over him with her arms crossed and a giant smirk on her face.

"Alright, dork, spill. Tell me why you're miserable."

He sighed and hung his head. He really didn't want to have this conversation right now.

"Look, Alex… I've had a long- and rather disappointing- day. All I want is to go upstairs and go to sleep. So if you wouldn't mind-"

He stood up and dusted himself off, grabbing his briefcase and attempting to walk past her. He groaned once more when she blocked his path.

"Alex, please, I'm _**not** _ in the mood."

"Well I am." She said cheekily. "Tell me what's up."

He stared at her for a moment before dropping his briefcase and crossing his arms.

"I will tell you on one condition."

"And that is…?"

"Don't get mad."

She raised an eyebrow in curiosity but shrugged.

"Okay, I'll bite. No anger here. Now tell me!"

His voice suddenly seemed to abandon him, leaving him feeling very nervous and vulnerable. He steeled his nerves and took a deep breath.

"Do you remember Matt?"

She wrinkled her nose.

"You mean Matthew Porter?"

Justin nodded. She shivered involuntarily and shook her head.

"Ugh, he always tried to hit on me. It was weird…and creepy. Anyway, yeah, I remember him. Why?"

"I _**might** _ have told him that you were staying with me."

Her eyes narrowed and her hands clenched into fists.

 _Remember your promise._

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Go on."

Justin nodded and swallowed.

"Well, you see…he kind of- maybe- just a little- assumed that we were together."

A sharp intake of breath.

"And then he proceeded to tell everyone in the office."

She pinched the bridge of her nose and let out an aggravated sigh. After a moment of tense silence, she spoke.

"Is there anything else?"

He hesitated. That told her everything she needed to know.

"I didn't…exactly…contradict him."

"Dang it, Justin!" Her rage broke.

He shrunk away in surprise.

"I already have enough problems to deal with, I don't need this, too!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Yeah well-"

She stopped when she saw the genuine guilt in his eyes. Her heart softened and the anger ebbed away at an alarming rate. She actually wished, in that moment, that she _**could**_ be mad at him. But it seemed almost impossible. She sighed and crossed her arms.

"You should be sorry." She finished much more calmly.

"I promise I'll clear everything up tomorrow. No big deal. Look, I'll call Matt right now and-"

Suddenly, she had an idea.

"Wait." She interrupted. "…Don't call Matt."

Justin raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Uh…why?"

She turned and smirked at him. Justin knew that smirk. When Alex smirked like that, it meant she had a diabolical plan. And you did _**not**_ want to be the target. Justin slumped in defeat and slipped his phone into his pocket.

"Okay, Alex…what's your 'master plan'?"

She ignored his obvious sarcasm and using his fingers to imitate quotation marks. This idea was almost _**too**_ good.

"We're both single, right?"

Justin looked at her strangely, wondering where she was going with this, before he slowly nodded.

"Yeah…"

"But if everyone thinks we're dating, then guys won't constantly hit on me!"

"…I don't see how this helps ME-"

"It's the perfect plan!" Alex laughed maniacally, rubbing her hands together.

Justin just looked on with wide eyes, slowly backing away.

"Alright, it's clear to me that you've finally lost your mind. So I'm gonna go…"

Her eyes snapped to him, and before he could even move, she had a vice grip on his arm.

"You aren't going anywhere!" She said, smiling triumphantly up at him.

"Don't drag me into this! Didn't you _**just**_ say you already had enough problems?"

She waved her hands dismissively.

"I'm over it. This will be fun!"

"I fail to see how this situation could be any sort of 'fun'."

"Oh, don't be such a party pooper. And besides, YOU were the one who got us into this mess in the first place! The least you can do is help me out on this one."

Justin sighed in defeat, causing Alex to smile even wider.

"Alright, alright… can I just ask one question, though?"

She shrugged.

"Ask away."

"If we're going to pretend that we're dating (again), won't that include some…intimate activities?"

Her eyes widened in complete shock. What was she doing?! How could she be so stupid?! What was wrong with her?!

 _Looks like I was right all along._

She scowled at her own thoughts. Dang it! This was the _**one**_ thing she was trying so hard to avoid! So why now? Why had she decided to go along with the charade?! She hated to admit it, but Justin was right. This was going to make things _**a lot**_ worse on herself. It wasn't too late, though, she realized. She could pretend like this never happened! She could take back her offer! Her life wasn't ruined after all! Justin would have a few questions, sure, but she could handle that-

"Exactly! That will make it even more convincing!"

-He probably wouldn't even care that she had decided to… Wait, what? What did she just say?!

"Oh…well, I mean…if you're okay with it."

 _No! No I am not!_

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?"

"You were always very adamant about us being platonic. Wouldn't this arrangement make things…weird?"

 _YES! IT ABSOLUTELY WOULD!_

"Not really. Think about it! We're best friends, we basically do all the cuddly couple stuff anyway. It wouldn't be _**that**_ much of a stretch to say we could fake the kissing too, right?"

 _No! Stop! Somebody stop her! Cover her mouth with duct tape! ANYTHING!_

"…I guess so."

 _Why was he agreeing to this?!_

"Great! That's settled then."

She stood up on her tippy toes and planted a kiss on his cheek. She giggled and spun around, giving him a wink as she left the room.

 _I think I'm going to hurl…_

What had just happened?! It was like she wasn't in control of her body or her emotions! She slowly walked upstairs, shell shocked by what had just occurred. She was almost certain Justin was feeling the same way. She had just made it ten times harder on the both of them- although she only knew about herself- because despite what they both tried to tell themselves, they felt more than platonic feelings towards one another.

 _What was that all about?_ Justin questioned himself.

He wasn't quite sure what had just happened. He hadn't been this confused since…well, now that he thought about it, he had _**never**_ been this confused. It wasn't a pleasant feeling. At first, Alex had responded just as he expected: with anger. Halfway through their argument, however, it was like she changed into a completely different person. He understood her mischievous side. That was basically her trademark. What he _**didn't**_ understand was her cool and collected suggestion to pretend like they were dating. Not thirty seconds earlier, she had been ranting and raving about how bad the idea was. This left Justin feeling very frazzled. He didn't know what to believe. Like that kiss she had given him before she left…was that an act?

 _It must have been._

He sighed. He wasn't sure either of them were completely comfortable doing this again. He could talk with her tomorrow, see if she wanted to change her mind. Then a question popped up in his head.

 _Do I_ _ **want**_ _her to change her mind?_

He didn't know. He sighed once more and shook his head, tiredly falling onto the couch and covering his eyes with his arm. This day just kept getting longer and longer…

"Why can't I have a best friend that I'm not in love with?" He muttered to himself.

He either didn't realize he had said it out loud or he didn't care. Within minutes he was fast asleep, dreaming of what might be.


	5. Paralyzed

**Disclaimer: All credit for the song goes to YouTuber NateWantsToBattle and the creators of Attack on Titan!  
**

* * *

The next day came all too quickly for the liking of two individuals. One was dreading having this conversation and the other was looking forward to it, just so that they could get over it and move on. Alex paced her room, still clothed in her pajamas and her hair styled into a messy ponytail.

"Alright, Alex, focus."

She was giving herself a pep talk before talking with Justin. It had to be done. She needed to make it ABSOLUTELY clear that she was kidding. She hadn't been herself yesterday and she figured he knew that. He had looked pretty confused when she kissed him on the cheek. She instantly threw that thought to the back of her mind at the other images it brought up.

"Stop it! You don't want that and neither does he."

 _You're lying to yourself._

She ignored her thoughts. Again. She was beginning to see a pattern with herself but nothing could be done about it. She sighed and threw herself onto the bed, rolling around with a groan.

"Why does this have to be so difficult?!"

Suddenly, there was a knock at her door.

"Alex? It's me… I mean, of course it's me, who else would it be? Ahem… Anyway, we need to talk."

Oh no. She wasn't ready for this. She wasn't anywhere NEAR ready for this. Her mouth, however, seemed to have a mind of its own as she spoke.

"Come in!"

She regretted it not a second later. She wasn't presentable! She was wearing a tank top- with a certain lack of an undergarment he was bound to notice- and some short shorts. What? She always got hot in the middle of the night and she got tired of being covered in sweat every morning. She snapped back to reality as Justin started to speak. He was standing right in front of her and she resisted the urge to scoot away from him, further up the bed.

"I'm not really sure how to begin… So I'll just start talking. Stop me if this doesn't make any sense."

She just stared up at him, apparently unable to speak, as he moved on.

"We're best friends, Alex. We both know that. The reason we stopped the charade of dating was so things wouldn't get awkward between us. That's why- well, I don't know why you want to do it again. It just seems like a whole lot of unnecessary hassle and drama that neither of us want to deal with right now. Do you know what I'm saying?"

She wanted to say yes, but again, she was unable to speak. She even felt herself shaking her head. What was going on?! What was wrong with her?! Justin sighed and ran his hands through his hair, pausing for a moment before he continued.

"Look… this isn't easy for me to say. We've both been through a lot and the LAST thing I want is to hurt you. But-"

He paused, seemingly unsure of himself and he suddenly grew nervous. She tilted her head in curiosity. What was going on in that head of his?

"You and I, Alex… We're not so different and-"

He cut himself off again and she could clearly see the blush on his cheeks. Her brow furrowed in confusion. What was he getting at?

" I just- think that- we would make a great- um, that is to say- I think we should- umm…"

"Justin, would you just spit it out already?" She asked, irritation clear in her voice.

Her eyes widened. She had spoken! Wait. That wasn't a good thing. She had instantly become mute again and she desperately wanted to say more. Unfortunately, the invisible force kept her silent as she watched him resume talking.

"R-right… Sorry, I'm just nervous."

She raised an eyebrow. What did he have to be nervous about? What was he planning? He cleared his throat and spoke again.

"I think it'd be nice if you and I actually dated."

One second passed. And then another. And another. She blinked. Another second. Another. Her mouth dropped open. Several more seconds. Silence. Disbelief. She didn't hear him correctly. She couldn't have. It was impossible! Several more seconds. A minute.

"Umm…Alex?"

She snapped back to reality. She couldn't speak or move.

"Are you okay?"

She wanted to shake her head but she felt herself nodding.

"Yeah, I'm fine!"

"What do you think about what I said?"

She didn't know what to think.

"I think it's a great idea!"

 _WHAT?!_

He smiled widely.

"You do? I mean- uhh- that's great! Shall we get started then?"

Confusion flooded her senses. Started? What did he-? Her eyes widened further and a light blush painted her cheeks as he took off his shirt and started crawling on the bed towards her. She wanted to move, kick, scream, anything, but she couldn't. She was immobile, unable to do anything but watch as he kissed his way up her neck and found her lips. Her body was moving but she was not in control. She let out an inadvertent moan as he leaned her back and played with the hem of her shirt.

"W-wait…" She could speak again. "What are you doing?"

"I'm doing what a good boyfriend does."

He looked up at her with a lust crazed smile she was sure would haunt her dreams for years to come. He began to lift her shirt.

"I'm making my girlfriend feel good."

She was just about to be exposed when a bloodcurdling scream finally ripped from her lips.

* * *

"Alex? Alex?! ALEX!"

She jerked awake to hear a loud banging on her door and, seconds later, Justin burst through. He looked around wildly, as if he expected to find something there that shouldn't be.

"Alex! Are you okay?!" He cried upon seeing her.

She tried to speak but found she couldn't. She could move her eyes, though. She desperately prayed she wasn't back in that horrible nightmare… Justin's brow furrowed in worry when she didn't respond. He strode towards her bed. She tried to protest- as in the dream- but all that came out was a low groan. He sat on the bed next to her and looked down at her.

"Are you hurt?"

She tried to shake her head. Nothing happened. Justin narrowed his eyes slightly.

"Blink once for 'yes', twice for 'no', got it?"

She blinked once.

"Okay. Are you hurt?"

She blinked twice. He sighed in obvious relief.

"Thank goodness… I heard you scream and I assumed the worst had happened."

She wished she could express her happiness at hearing his admission of worry. Suddenly, she got an idea. She started blinking rapidly.

"Whoa, slow down! Is something wrong?"

 _No._

"Are you angry?"

 _No._

"Sad? Scared?"

 _No. Yes._

"I see." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully and studied her for several minutes.

She was beginning to get creeped out again when he finally spoke.

"I think I know what's wrong with you. Have you ever heard of sleep paralysis?"

 _No._

"Well, it's a very common occurrence among people who suffer from bad dreams. Basically, it's a waking nightmare where you're paralyzed or can't move until the nightmare is over. It doesn't last very long, a few minutes at most. You should be getting some functions back now, actually."

She nodded and then gasped. She wiggled her toes. He was right! She tried to speak but fumbled over her words, which ended up coming out as gibberish. He chuckled as she regained her senses, eventually sitting up in silence with a haunted look on her face. He instantly became worried again.

"What was the dream about?" He decided to ask.

Her eyes flicked to him and then darted away. That told him everything he needed to know. He sighed and stood from the bed.

"I understand. I'll give you some space. If you need me, I'll be downstairs."

He left her room without another word. She stayed sitting there for only a few minutes before she decided to wash herself up and get dressed, all in complete silence. The images were so fresh behind her eyes that she took extra precautions in the shower. She triple-checked the lock on the door. She kept the shower curtain open. She avoided getting any water or shampoo in her eyes. She kept an eye on the door's reflection while she did her hair and make-up. She peeked out the door and sighed in relief upon seeing her room was empty. She silently cursed and chastised herself for being so paranoid.

"Why are you being such a scaredy cat, Alex?" She grumbled to herself as she walked across the room.

She sat on the edge of the bed, leaning down and fastening her four-inch heels around her ankles.

"You know Justin would never do anything like that. Firstly, it was just a dream. Secondly, he's too much of a goody-goody to even CONSIDER doing that. And thirdly-"

She smiled and stood triumphantly, admiring herself in the mirror.

"He WISHES he could get his hands on me."

She walked towards the door and hesitated only slightly upon opening it. She stepped out into the hall, hearing Justin prepare himself for work in the living room. She smiled and was about to descend the staircase when a thought struck her. Her smile instantly turned into a frown. They still hadn't talked about THAT yet. Their little arrangement. She REALLY didn't want to at this point, considering how badly her dream had shaken her up. She banished those thoughts from her mind and strode confidently down the stairs, ready to face any challenge the day held for her. She walked around the corner and leaned against the doorway, smirking mischievously as she saw Justin attempt to tie his own tie. She couldn't stop a snicker from escaping her lips and he turned around to look at her.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh at the incompetent fool who can't tie his own tie." He drawled sarcastically.

"You should have learned by now. I knew how to do it when I was eight. And I'm a girl!" She pointed out.

"I NEVER have to wear these but it's my Boss's special day and I want to make a good impression!" Justin explained, trying to force the tie into a knot.

He was failing miserably. Alex sighed and reluctantly walked around to stand in front of him, staring at his collar as she fixed his tie in five seconds flat. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly as she stepped away.

"Thanks." He said simply, grabbing his briefcase and walking swiftly to the door.

"Gotta go! Breakfast is in the oven!"

 _ **SLAM**_

The silence overwhelmed her for a few moments before she chuckled and opened the oven. Leftover casserole from the day before. She shrugged. Food was food. Justin's cooking was always good, it didn't matter if you reheated it, and that's exactly what she did. She stuck it in the microwave for a minute and then sat down at the table, digging into the hot, semi-fresh casserole vigorously with a fork. She sat in boredom for about an hour after that, watching TV and lazily debating with herself if she should work up the effort to go out today. She eventually decided some cardio would do her some good and quickly ran upstairs to get changed.

Upon opening the dresser, she reminded herself that she needed to force Justin to take her shopping soon. She was about sick of wearing Juliet's old clothes. Nevertheless, she found a decent exercise shirt and some shorts to match. She tied her hair up in a ponytail before exiting the household, making sure to lock it before taking off down the street. She decided to head into town, maybe treat herself to a doughnut as a reward. She first thought that she would want to pump herself up, but she was already running and she wasn't very cheery today. She scrolled through the songs on her phone until she found one to accompany her mood.

 _Day by day, we have lost our edge._

 _Don't you know? Forgotten is the life we led._

 _Now it seems you don't care what the risk._

 _The peaceful times they have made us blind!_

She looked around at the happy faces passing her by as she jogged through the park. She frowned, wishing she could be like them.

 _Can't look back. They will not come back._

 _Can't be afraid. It's time after time.  
_

 _So once again, I'm hiding in my room._

 _The peaceful times they have made us blind!_

She clenched her hands into fists. She had to admit that she felt very lost and- as the song said- blind. Between the bad memories of Mason, the new situation with Justin, and all the drama it was causing for her, she didn't know what to think anymore.

 _Now you can't fly if you never try.  
_

 _You told me... Oh, long ago._

 _But you left the wall outside the gate._

 _So more than ever it's real._

 _It was like a nightmare, it's painful for me._

 _Because nobody want's to die too fast!_

 _Remember days of grief, now it's strange for me._

 _I can see your face. I can hear your voice._

 _It was like a nightmare..._

The waking nightmare she had earlier. It was a perfect fit to match her haywire thoughts.

The light of the crosswalk signaled for her to go and she resumed jogging as the song played itself out. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw something she would never forget. All the lanes were void of any vehicles, except for one. A truck came careening through the intersection. He was either a drunk driver or his brakes weren't working. She didn't have time to move. He side swiped her. HARD. She tumbled to the ground with several sickening CRACKS and the truck came to an abrupt halt as it rammed into a tree. She was unconscious before she hit the ground. One woman screamed and that was all that was needed for several people to call the paramedics.

"She's hurt real bad!" One man yelled into his phone as he hovered over Alex's limp body.

"I- I think she's still breathing…"

He paused and listened.

"There's lots of blood and-" He lost his voice for a second. "I- I c-can see the bone in her arm."

Another pause.

"B-but shouldn't I do something?"

He grimaced at the obvious negative answer.

"R-right. Don't move her."

* * *

 **Meanwhile…**

* * *

A call had just come in at Justin's work.

"We've got a casualty at 34th and Vine!"

Justin's head snapped to the side as he looked in the direction of his Boss's voice.

"Russo! We need you to go and stabilize the situation."

He nodded dumbly and walked over.

"Who's the victim?"

"Female, 21, black hair. She hasn't been identified yet."

His face paled and he struggled to stay on his feet. That sounded an awful lot like-

"Russo! Are you listening? You need to go NOW!"

He didn't waste another moment, racing out to the ambulance and hopping in the back. He desperately prayed the victim wasn't who he thought it was. They arrived in five minutes. To Justin, that was five minutes too long.

"Everybody step back!" He yelled.

The murmuring group of people immediately dispersed as he pushed through the crowd. He reached the victim and he froze, dropping to his knees. There was so much blood… He could feel bile rising in his throat and he had to consciously keep himself from vomiting.

"Get the gurney!" He yelled over his shoulder.

His co-workers obliged. Justin managed to wrap some gauze around the gash in her head and the long- thankfully not deep- cut in her arm. Her placed her broken arm in a sling and helped lift her onto the gurney before they loaded her into the back of the ambulance and took off.

"Please be okay… Please be okay…"

He didn't realize he was sobbing until one of his colleagues handed him a tissue.

"You know this girl?" One of them asked.

He nodded silently and blew his nose. The same one patted him on the back.

"You must really love her, man."

Justin abstained from correcting him. Right now, he was just wishing Alex would be okay.


	6. Alone

The last thing she remembered was a flash of red, a searing pain in her arm, and an inky blackness filling her vision. Muted sounds and voices filtered through to her semi-conscious mind. She couldn't move or speak and neither could she fully understand them. It was extremely frustrating. She realized her arm no longer felt as though it was on fire. She tried to move it. She regretted her action instantly as the fire returned and she hissed in pain.

 _Definitely broken._ She thought.

There was a dull ache in her head as well. She vaguely recalled an impact with asphalt before she blacked out. She groaned. It would definitely take her a while to recover. She could only assume she was in the hospital, judging by the soft material beneath her and the lack of panicked screams. She must have been stabilized… A sudden thought occurred to her. What if she had been taken to the hospital where Justin worked? She grimaced. She desperately hoped that wasn't the case. She didn't need or want another reason to be indebted to him. She slowly tried to open her eyes. The whiteness blinded her for several minutes before her eyes eventually adjusted to the light.

She was in a hospital bed with pristine white sheets and a faded blue gown as her only form of clothing. She managed to move her head and look around the room. A single window allowed bright sunlight to filter through. She couldn't make out what was on the outside at the moment. She shifted her gaze to the foot of the bed. Flowers were arranged in several vases and she even spotted a few cards that she could only assume read 'Get Well Soon'. She chuckled and instantly winced. It hurt to laugh but she was touched that enough people cared about her to get her something. She looked towards the door. There was a small, glass window on either side of it allowing her to see into the reception area. Many figures, mostly clad in blue or white, were milling about. The voices overlapped each other and she couldn't understand what they were saying.

The door suddenly opened and a male doctor stepped through, his eyes glued to his clipboard for several moments. As he closed the door, he looked up at her and smiled.

"I see you're finally awake?"

She let out a groan and barely managed to speak.

"Hey Matt." She greeted him.

"You've only been in town for a couple days and already you're getting into trouble." He said with a small laugh.

She remained silent as he approached the foot of her bed and hung the clipboard on a small hanger.

"Justin told you." She said.

He nodded and pulled up a chair on her left side.

"Yeah, he did. Speaking of Justin, you should have seen him earlier. He was pretty messed up when we arrived back here."

She stiffened.

"W-what happened?"

He sighed and leaned back in his chair.

"The ride in the ambulance was bad enough. He couldn't stop crying. And then when we got here-" He hesitated.

"It's okay… I want to know." Alex reassured him.

He stared at her for several moments, debating with himself, before he eventually nodded and continued.

"When we got here, you were in bad shape. I even thought we would lose you for a moment. There was no lasting brain damage, thankfully, but you had already lost a lot of blood. We needed a donor or you would have been done for."

She kept her face as neutral as she could, her right hand clenching the sheets in a fist while her left remained still. She didn't want him to see how upset he was making her.

"Justin spoke up about being the same blood type and we got to work. We needed about half a quart, so after the transfusion we let Justin rest on a spare bed we had. We told him to go home but he refused, saying that he didn't want to leave your side."

It took all of her strength to not cry in frustration. Why?! Why did he always have to be so perfect?! Why was she always the one who needed saving?! It wasn't fair! He had everything going for him! A loving family, a well-paying job, and he got to play hero every day! She didn't have any of that! She was just a nobody who everyone loathed! She couldn't get a job for the life of her and she was forced to mooch off of Justin's hospitality! And what made it worse is that this wasn't the first time. No, it had happened several times before. When she didn't have anywhere else to go, she went to him. She had to. She didn't have a choice. She couldn't give him anything and he gave her everything without question or complaint. Why? She was so confused and hurt. Just one time- ONE TIME- she wished he wasn't so perfect. Then he would know. He would know what it was like for everyone else. He would know how she felt every single day. He would know pain and failure and guilt and shame. Just like her. He would feel lost, alone, sad and depressed. Just like her. But she knew life would never throw that sort of a curve ball anywhere near Justin. She would have to intervene and do it herself. All these thoughts raced through her head in a second and she merely blinked once at Matt before responding.

"That was nice of him. Give him my thanks, will you?"

Matt smiled and nodded as he stood up.

"You can tell him yourself. He said he'd visit you when he woke up."

She looked away as guilt welled up in her gut.

"I'd rather not see him today… Or anyone, really. I need some time alone to think."

He adopted a somewhat confused expression before he shrugged and spoke.

"Alright then. I'll let him know."

He walked towards the door, looking back over his shoulder as his hand rested on the handle.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked suddenly.

Her gaze didn't move from the window. The light was a bit more bearable now and she could see there were several birds hopping along the edge and chirping their song, even though she couldn't hear it. One in particular stood out to her: a small blackbird perched on its own, away from the more brightly colored birds, pecking silently at the food that had been left for it.

"I'm sure." She said quietly.

Matt nodded and left without another word, closing the door gently behind him. She didn't know how long she stared at those birds. The colorful ones left and several others took their place over the course of the day but the blackbird never moved. It stood on its own, resolute, not quite content but also fully ignored by its more colorful counterparts. She somehow knew that if the blackbird did sing, it would be a low, somber song, as though it were in mourning. Eventually, it was the only bird left on the windowsill as moonlight replaced the rays of the sun. She could have sworn the bird looked at her- ever so briefly- with a saddened gaze before it, too, flew off. She felt a sort of connection to that bird. She felt isolated as it did. She felt alone, trapped on the outside, ignored by those around her. The bird didn't have anything to call its own and neither did she. She knew she could hardly call herself Justin's friend. She never gave…all she did was take from him. How could he care about her? She sighed and leaned back against her pillow, praying that sleep would come quickly so she could forget…just for a little while.

Unfortunately, when she did eventually fall asleep, it was fitful and full of nightmares. She was constantly on the verge of being awake and yet the nightmares still maintained their hold on her. She could not escape. She could not run. She had to face the horrible reality. She had to face her greatest fears. And no one was ever coming to help her.

* * *

Justin wasn't asleep, no matter how badly he may have wanted to be. Not surprisingly, he couldn't get the thoughts of Alex out of his mind. Every time he closed his eyes he saw those horrible images… Her blood, the broken bones, everything. It was almost too surreal. He was a doctor, however, and he had to do his job. So he did. He had almost been sick too many times to count as he operated on his best friend, all the while praying she would be all right. Luckily, the diagnosis was no lasting damage, save for the broken arm that would heal in a few weeks. All they needed was a blood transfusion. He sighed and rolled over as he remembered. Fortunately- or not so fortunately, depending on who you asked- he was the same blood type as Alex. He didn't hesitate. All he knew was that he would do whatever it took to make her better. He didn't give a thought to how Alex might react to this situation.

When he thought about it, he figured it might not be good. She may not realize it, but he knew she hated feeling indebted to him in anyway. She hated having to ask for his help. She hated not being able to accomplish things on her own. Although he had saved her life, she may not see it that way. He sighed and rolled over again, restlessly. His thoughts were too jumbled to comprehend. He didn't know what to think. First he was worried, then he was guilty, and now… He didn't know what he was feeling. He didn't know what he SHOULD feel, if anything at all. He declined from seeing her for unknown reasons to his colleagues. He knew perfectly well why he didn't want to see her right now… He desperately wanted to make sure she was okay, awake, and alive, but he also figured she wouldn't be too happy with him. With what he had done. He buried his face into a pillow and screamed.

Why did everything always have to be so complicated? Despite what people thought, his life was far from perfect. He was constantly having to work just to keep himself afloat. Being a doctor- and a surgeon at that- did have its benefits but it also had its consequences. The pay was nice but the hours were abysmal. The relief he felt when he saved a patient was grievously outweighed by the shame and sadness he felt when he lost one. He had lost more than he cared to admit. He wasn't perfect, no matter how hard he tried to appear as such. It was mostly for the sake of his parents- he didn't want them to be disappointed in him. If he knew he could quit and take another job and that his parents would still support him as much as they always had, he would take that chance in an instant. He had always talked about becoming a doctor when he was younger… But that was only because it was what his parents wanted to hear.

In truth, he never wanted to go into the medical field. He preferred a more active role in saving lives as opposed to the pressure of having to constantly keep people off their death bed. He didn't want to encounter these people when they were sick or dying. He would much rather prevent them from getting that way in the first place. He knew he would never pass as a police officer or firefighter, though. He didn't have the physical prowess needed. He did, however, have the skills necessary to become a forensic scientist. He thought long and hard about that career and at one point he seriously considered applying for the position at the city police station… But he lost his nerve at the last minute when thoughts of his parents' disapproving looks invaded his mind. So now he was stuck in an admittedly very helpful and highly respected profession. This wasn't what he wanted. It was what THEY wanted. Given the chance, he would have leapt at the opportunity to work even as a simple waiter in a diner.

But no. He had to live up to the expectations his parents had laid out for him. All throughout middle school, high school, AND college they always pushed him and reminded him and nagged him to do his best. This, of course, led to him getting constant straight A's and constant recommendations from his schools. His parents were so proud. And he didn't want to be responsible for taking that pride away from them. It didn't help that he had been an only child. They had tried for at least another year with no luck. Shame. He would have loved to have been a big brother. Nevertheless, if anything that made his parents' determination in his skills that much more demanding. It was almost as if he was carrying the responsibility of an adult on his shoulders all throughout his younger years. And now… He sincerely regretted "choosing" not to try out for any of the sports teams, or "choosing" not to go outside during recess, or "choosing" to study in the library instead of doing literally anything else. He was ashamed of himself. He never had a choice.

Now it seemed he was opposing that ideal onto Alex, to which he knew for a fact she would not take kindly. The door opened behind him but he did not turn to face who had entered.

"Alex is awake." The voice said.

It was Matt. Justin grunted and reluctantly rolled to face him, but he still didn't say anything.

"Do you want to see her?"

"No."

The answer was short and blunt. Matt was honestly shocked into silence for a moment as Justin once again rolled over, his back facing Matt.

"But I thought you said-"

"I changed my mind."

More silence. Matt sighed heavily and shook his head in confusion.

"What is wrong with you today? It's like you're a completely different person!"

"Maybe I am."

"Well, whatever is going on with you, you'd better fix it fast. We've still got a lot of work today."

Justin sat in silence as Matt huffed angrily, slamming the door behind him as he left. He just lay there, debating whether or not he could get away with calling in sick and taking the rest of the day off. His boss would probably understand. He sighed and sat up, staring at the wall with a blank look. Alex didn't want to see him. Matt was angry with him. He didn't want to be here… But he couldn't just skip out on his responsibilities. He had people relying on him. He sighed one final time and trudged towards the door.

"Time to face the storm." He grumbled.

Whoever encountered Justin for the rest of the day would claim he was in a foul mood and subsequently avoided him as best they could. When it was finally time for him to return home, his muscles were sore, his brain was fried, and he was pretty sure all of his coworkers hated him now. If there was any solace it was that- hopefully- a good night's sleep would clear his head. Then he would apologize to everyone… Including Alex. ESPECIALLY Alex. He decided to walk home. It wasn't too far and he knew no one would try anything with his car. He needed time to think. It was once again jumbled thoughts that greeted him on the too-short trek. He reached home all too soon for his liking. The thoughts followed him all the way upstairs and kept him up until the early hours of the morning. When he finally did fall asleep, he was restless, fitful, assaulted by nightmares. He could not escape. He could not run. He had to face the horrible reality. He had to face his greatest fears. And no one was ever coming to help him.


	7. Forget and Forgive

A week passed before Alex legitimately began to miss Justin. His voice. His comforting presence. Everything. She wasn't sure if she should feel happy or depressed that he hadn't come to visit her. Then again, she had specifically asked Matt to pass along the message that she didn't want to see Justin. Despite everything that was going on inside her head, she was beginning to regret her decision. Along with Justin's absence came an intense feeling of boredom. Alex was bedridden on doctor's orders and she would continue to be that way for at least another week. She scowled. It wasn't her leg that was broken! Why couldn't she at least walk around? She immediately dismissed the thought when it was replaced by another: the thought of running into Justin. She missed him and talking with him but if there was one thing she was glad about it was the fact that she had a lot of time to think. She admitted to herself that thoughts of revenge against Justin were uncalled for and completely unnecessary. In fact, that was the source of her irrational anger: his perfection. Or at least him appearing as such. As the days passed, her anger eventually subsided to be replaced by sadness and guilt. She never could manage to stay mad at him for very long. It was difficult admitting to herself that she was wrong. She was hurt and emotional, not just about the past few days but the past few YEARS.

She decided the better action- as opposed to intentionally hurting Justin- would be to tell him about her doubts and fears. She would also explain how badly she felt about asking for or expecting his help and support. If she could, she would get out of his hair and take care of herself. Unfortunately, that wasn't an option. Her parents wouldn't support her and she couldn't support herself. There was only one person she knew of who could and would be willing: Justin. A sudden thought occurred to her. What if he wasn't? She had never asked. Perhaps- no- she KNEW she should. And she would the next time she saw him. She turned as she heard the door opening and her jaw dropped. What are the odds that the very same person she had just been thinking about would walk through the door at that exact moment? She supposed she shouldn't have been surprised. He did work here after all. There was silence in the room for several moments, the air thick with tension. Finally, Justin sighed, glanced up at her, and shuffled to the end of her bed. She studied him with a critical eye, wondering what he planned to do or say next.

"It's been awhile." He spoke simply and quietly.

She resolved to stay silent until he was finished. He took her silence as an invitation to continue.

"I won't lie… I've been avoiding you. Both of my own volition and upon your request." He admitted.

Silence greeted him once more. He sighed again, running a hand through his hair.

"First and foremost, I should apologize for that. I respect you and your decisions, but in this case I know I should have stayed by your side, helped you recover… Provided support."

Hearing him say this finally spurred Alex to form a response. It didn't come out as eloquently as she had hoped.

"I'm sorry!" She exclaimed suddenly.

He was clearly surprised- if not shocked- by her outburst. He fumbled with his words for a moment before he managed to speak.

"Why are YOU sorry?" He asked slowly.

She bit her lip, indecisive as to where she should begin.

"I haven't been fair to you." She eventually whispered.

This time, Justin stayed silent as she spoke.

"For years I've been selfish. Recently, I've been thinking and I realized I have never asked for your help or your support. I've always taken it for granted. I expected you to always provide it without so much as a 'please' or 'thank you'. To make things worse, I've never repaid you for everything you've done for me… And I don't think I ever can. You've been nothing but kind and helpful since the day we met and how do I repay you? By using you as my emotional crutch, never thinking you needed any sort of encouragement or assistance. Justin… I am sorry! I am sorry I'm broken and I am sorry that I've been so unbelievably selfish. If you want me to leave, I will… I wouldn't blame you. If you want me to take care of myself, I will. I shouldn't have to rely on your hospitality any longer. It's about time I started doing things on my own."

The quiet that filled the room after her speech was excruciating. She wanted him to say something… ANYTHING! What felt like any eternity to her was actually only a few seconds in the real world.

"Do you remember Christmas last year?" He asked suddenly.

She opened her eyes and gave him a confused look. Where had that come from? He was giving her a pointed look, as if he expected her to understand something she couldn't grasp.

"Yes, but what-?"

He cut her off by raising his hand and she clamped her mouth shut. Any other time she would have been annoyed but she knew he was making a point. He had something important to say.

"My whole family was there. My mom, my dad, my aunts and uncles, cousins, everyone… Including you."

Her eyes widened slightly. He considered her…family?

"You were shy at first which is unusual for you. I came over to talk, hopefully make you more comfortable. I remember asking why you weren't with your own family… That's when you first told me about them. You had never really talked about them before so I was a bit shocked but I wasn't complaining. By the end of the night, you were crying and my whole family had gathered around to give you a big hug. We all wanted you to know you were welcome there, no matter what."

She hung her head slightly, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

"I remember." She whispered.

"You're still welcome with any member of the family. That includes me. Alex, you have nothing to apologize for. If anyone should be apologizing, it's me! You've been through more than most encounter in their entire life! It only makes sense you need a little help. Who wouldn't in your situation?"

She stayed silent, letting his words sink in. He stood up and pulled his chair around the side of her bed. She didn't look up at him. He reached out his hand and hesitated only slightly before gently grabbing her chin and lifting her eyes to meet his. Tears filled her beautiful blue eyes and he resisted the urge to wipe them away. He took a deep breath and let it out.

"I want you to know something."

He suddenly lost his voice and forced himself to swallow around the lump in his throat. He could hardly bare to hold eye contact, the unbridled emotions brimming in her eyes almost too much for him. He couldn't tell what he saw there. Was it hope? Joy? Or was it sadness? Despair? He didn't know. He did know what he wanted to say. Three words. THOSE three words. He wanted to say it so badly. Why couldn't he do it?!

 _Keep it together._ He thought. _You can do this._

A sudden thought occurred to him. What if it wasn't the right time? What if she rejected him? What if… What if he only made things worse? They had a wonderful relationship already…as best friends. Could he risk taking the next step? Would she want to take that step? He was so confused! He didn't even know if she had feelings for him.

"What is it?"

He snapped out of his thoughts to see she was staring at him strangely. She had pulled away and he was no longer holding her chin. Instead, it appeared as though he had been staring blankly at her for the last minute.

"What?" He asked dumbly.

"You said you wanted me to know something… What is it?"

He looked away and down at his clenched hands, his knuckles quickly turning white. Breathe in. Breathe out.

"There's something I want to tell you."

"Yes?"

He looked up. His green eyes met her blue. There was no denying it, there was hope glowing in her eyes. And was that excitement? Was she smiling too? Could it be that his fears were all for naught? He hesitated a moment and took another breath, just to make sure he wasn't seeing things. He blinked and everything was just as it was a moment ago. He had to tell her. He WANTED to tell her. And he was going to tell her.

"Alex, you're not alone in this. I have concerns too and to be honest… It's been rough. Everyone always pictures me as the perfect boy scout, always sticks to the rules, respects his elders, and does what he's told. I want you to know… That's not how I really am. I never wanted this life but my parents always had such high expectations that I never got a chance to really LIVE. At the age of ten they were already teaching me Calculus and Theoretical Physics! I don't want THIS life. I want to do what I want, how I want, and get a job wherever I want. So you see… I have problems too. You're not alone."

He paused for a moment to catch his breath and he smiled at her. She sniffled slightly and brushed the tears out of her eyes.

"Thank you, Justin… I needed that." She said, responding with a smile of her own.

Now was his chance!

"And there's one more thing-"

A sudden commotion in the lobby distracted them both as they heard a large crash and many voices crying out in surprise. A muffled voice was quickly working its way towards the room. From what they could tell, it was a male. Justin looked quizzically at Alex.

"Were you expecting another visitor?"

"I wasn't even expecting you."

He chuckled slightly and stood up, strolling towards the door. As soon as he opened the door, a scruffy looking young man barreled through and barely managed to stop himself before colliding with the bed. Justin just stared, caught completely off-guard, as the man gathered his wits and looked around frantically. His eyes came to rest on Alex and he smiled widely.

"Alex, you're okay!"

She looked to Justin, obviously confused. He just shrugged and she looked back to the man.

"I'm sorry…do I know you?" She asked.

He looked surprised at her comment before responding.

"Babe, don't you remember? It's me, Mason!"

* * *

The silence that greeted him wasn't your everyday awkward silence. He could actually feel the hurt radiating off of Alex and the anger burning into his skull as Justin glared at him.

"Just let me explain-"

"There's nothing TO explain." Justin cut in coldly, pushing his way between Mason and the bed.

It was obvious he didn't trust Mason to be around Alex without hurting her. Who could blame him? What Mason had done was unforgivable. At least, it was to him. Maybe he was being a little overprotective.

"It's okay, Justin… Let him talk."

He spun around with a surprised look as Alex spoke softly. The look in her eyes made it clear she didn't want to argue. He held her gaze for a moment before nodding and stepping aside, narrowing his eyes once more as his gaze shifted back to Mason. The young man cleared his throat and stepped forward, obviously still wary of Justin.

"Actually, I was hoping we could talk privately…" He trailed off.

Another glance. Justin sighed and hung his head as he met her gaze. He couldn't say no.

"You have five minutes." Justin growled, slamming the door on his way out.

She didn't need to say anything. Mason could tell just by looking at her exactly what she felt at the sight of him.

"I'm sorry." He began.

No reaction.

"I know I was stupid, and ignorant, and jealous, and-" He stopped and sighed heavily.

"What I did was purely because of my own insecurities. It wasn't that I distrusted you… It was that I didn't trust Justin to not make a move."

Her eyes widened slightly at that but she still didn't say anything.

"I know you told me multiple times that you and he are best friends. And I believe you! But… I just couldn't get past how well you two got along. It seemed so easy for you two to just… Connect and be happy together, not to mention the 'fake dating' thing. It really tore me up inside that there might be someone who loved you more than I did…and that you loved more than me."

She immediately gasped and spluttered, fumbling for words as her face grew redder by the instant. He smiled ruefully and shrugged.

"It's not exactly hard to see, Alex. Justin cares about you. More than I've ever seen anyone care about another person. If that's not love, then I don't know what is. I know you feel the same way, too. Even with all your troubles and doubts… You hold strong and make Justin happy, even if you don't think so. When Justin and I were fighting a month ago, even though I disliked him with everything in me, I got a pretty good look at his life. And let me tell you, it's a lot less pretty than he makes it out to be. I'm sure he's told you already, but his home life was a bit…strict. Once I found out about it, I stupidly started calling him 'kid brainiac'. He didn't seem bothered by it at first. In fact, he was proud of his intelligence. He just wasn't proud how he acquired it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry for what I did to you. Well, not only that, but I also think you should start another relationship. A better one with a better man."

She sat there for several moments, dumbfounded at his surprisingly well thought out speech. He must have spent days, if not weeks, coming up with the right words to say. She thought long and hard about whether she should forgive him. By the way he was talking, it definitely seemed like he had learned his lesson. And she never was one to hold a grudge. Not for long, anyway. She had to look past the hurt he had caused her. She had to forgive his past transgressions and look forward to his- hopefully- new way of thinking.

"I forgive you." She finally spoke.

If the joy in his eyes wasn't enough, it was clear he was happy when he leapt in the air and let out an excited shout. Quite abruptly, he settled down and whipped back around to face her.

"But… what about Justin?" He asked.

She hung her head. Darn. She was hoping he had forgotten about that. She only thought for a moment before responding.

"I'll talk to him and let him know about you."

"So we're cool?"

She smiled slightly and nodded. He returned the smile.

"Sweet!"

He turned on his heel and strutted to the door. He stopped short, though, and turned back to face her.

"About what I said- you and Justin loving each other- just think about telling him, okay?"

She stared at him, unsure as to how she should answer. She simply nodded, keeping the smile plastered on her face. He saluted and opened the door.

"See you later!"

And he was gone. She hardly noticed Justin re-entering the room until he cleared his throat. She jumped slightly as she looked up at him.

"Well, how'd it go?" He asked, a mix of curiosity and worry in his eyes.

She smiled genuinely at his concern and responded.

"Don't worry, it went fine. Mason apologized and we talked and it was all really good."

He visibly relaxed at this and let out a gasping breath.

"Good. So, what else did you talk about?"

She turned her head away slightly, pretending to contemplate when in reality she was hiding her blush. She didn't turn back until she knew it was gone. She smiled mischievously up at him and answered.

"Oh, nothing much. Mostly stuff about you."

He stiffened once again.

"What about me?"

She simply giggled and kept her mouth shut, even as her begged her for the rest of the day to reveal her secret. No. She wasn't quite ready to do that yet. Soon. She knew it would be soon, but not today. Today was a good day and she didn't want to risk ruining it. So it was with no small amount of amusement that she continued to toy with Justin until he was forced to leave at the end of his shift. She grinned. Perhaps she could have fun with this for just a LITTLE longer. For once, as her eyes closed, she had a peaceful sleep, her dreams filled with pleasant thoughts and images. She hoped tomorrow would be just as good.


	8. Home

Everything was finally back to normal. Well, back to what she considered normal, anyway. It had been a very long and tedious stay in the hospital, but Alex had finally been released from her captivity. On one hand, she was happy to leave. That place was unbearably boring. But, on the other hand, she was also kind of sad. After Mason's visit, she and Justin talked on a regular basis. He even brought her some home-cooked meals, which were far better than the hospital food in her opinion. Not that she ever told him that. They talked for hours when Justin wasn't busy with work. He often stayed longer than his assigned hours just to talk with her. No subject was left unspoken. Okay, that isn't true. But at the very least they had talked about their problems.

Alex explained more about her constant need to search him out for help, once again apologizing for never asking in the first place. Justin spoke of his home life and the expectations his parents had set out for him. Neither was uncomfortable during these talks. It was actually really nice. Not that she would ever admit it, but she was pretty sure Justin could tell. He actually made her stay in the hospital a little more bearable. However, something had been nagging at the back of Alex's mind. Right before Mason had barged in and they had their little talk, Justin was about to say something. It seemed really important. But after Mason left, he didn't bring it up. Alex wasn't really sure if she should say anything so she didn't mention it either, figuring he would talk about it when he was ready. She had almost forgotten about it and frowned suddenly, her curiosity piqued. What was he going to say?

"You're not in pain, are you?" A worried voice spoke.

She rolled her eyes but smiled reassuringly over at her best friend.

"I'm fine, Justin. I was just thinking." She explained.

She could only guess he had seen her expression. Justin gazed back at her curiously.

"Thinking about what?" He decided to ask.

For Justin, the whole ordeal had been nerve-wracking at first, if not panic-inducing. He never told her how bad it was, but Alex had almost died several times on the operating table. And he tried to avoid the fact he gave her his blood. It really wasn't necessary to remind her. He was sure she knew, although he wasn't entirely sure if she was thankful. Nevertheless, they seemed to get along just fine during her recovery. They talked about lots of things. But there was one subject Justin didn't have the courage to breach: his feelings for her.

After Mason's intrusion, he had lost his nerve. He almost couldn't believe he had been about to say 'I love you' to his best friend of fifteen years. It was almost like a switch had been flipped in his brain. One moment he was dying to tell her and the next he wanted nothing more than to forget it entirely. It made no sense to him. Maybe part of it was he didn't want to upset what they had. Their conversations in the hospital were some of the best he could remember. He didn't want to risk anything after what she had been through. He even passed it off as the adrenaline of the situation, not knowing if she would die or live. There was a very real fear in his mind that, if he told her, it would do more harm than good.

"Before Mason showed up, you were about to say something." Justin snapped out of his reverie as he heard Alex speak.

She looked over at him with a curious gaze.

"What were you going to say?"

Justin tried to not let his surprise show. He was actually surprised she had remembered that. Since that was the case, however, he doubted he could use faulty memory as an excuse. If she remembered it, he would have too. So he couldn't play dumb. He could come up with something, but he had to do it fast…

"I just wanted to let you know…you're my best friend, Alex." He said with a smile.

He waited with baited breath, wondering how she would respond. He let out a breath of relief when she rolled her eyes and smiled.

"I know that, dork, you could have just told me." She replied.

Justin nodded and continued walking, glad his answer had appeased her. However, Alex wasn't fooled. She could always tell when Justin was lying or holding something back. This was one of those times. Was he scared or something? No, she didn't think that was it. He seemed more hesitant than anything. Like what he had to say would change something. She sighed lightly as she followed behind him. She would find out sooner or later. She just hoped the dork would come clean already. It was getting annoying. Her own thoughts drifted as they walked along, going back to the reason she was at the hospital in the first place. It wasn't her fault, she knew that. But she partially blamed the distracting thoughts for keeping her wits away from the road.

That was the day he almost kissed her. Her cheeks reddened slightly and she shook her head as she remembered. It didn't make any sense to her. She was his best friend, it would be weird if they liked each other romantically. Right?

 _I don't see why you're so against this._

She sighed again. Great. The voices were back. And she couldn't respond without Justin thinking she had brain damage or something.

 _Okay, look, I'm not here to antagonize you or anything. I just want to talk._

She stayed silent, figuring the voice would take that as an invitation to continue.

 _I'm just here to say that you like Justin and Justin likes you. As more than a friend._

'Cutting right to the chase, then, I see?' She thought.

 _Seriously, are you honestly that oblivious? I know you're not blind, you can see the signs._

'What signs? He's just doing what a best friend does.'

 _Oh right. I forgot you were in denial. You know, you would be a lot happier if you would just listen to me._

'Why? Because you ARE me?'

 _Well, that's part of it. The other part is that I'm telling the truth._

She sighed once again as the voice drifted back into her subconscious. Yep. Everything about her was totally normal. Not weird at all. She looked up, suddenly realizing they had reached Justin's house. She smiled. Home sweet home. It was at this point Alex realized something… Justin was her home.


End file.
